What If My Third Eye Is Myopic? Yoga and Me
Zander Sprague
Yoga and Me
I’ve been doing yoga for quite a few years. And I really enjoy
it. I ended up taking yoga the first time with a girlfriend of
mine. And at first I was really scared because I’m not that
flexible a person, and I thought, “How am I ever going to do
that?” But of course the reality is, you don’t do yoga the way
you see it on TV, with people who have been doing it for 25
years and are all bendy. But actually start off slow, and do it.
I’ve tried many different types of yoga. I find Bickram yoga to
be too hot. And I like Iyengar very much. But the funny thing
about yoga and me is that I’m not sure that we’re entirely
compatible. See, there’s a lot going on when I’m doing yoga. And
I’d like to explore some of these things. Maybe you’ve
experienced the same thing too.
Rush to Relax
One of the first things I found about yoga was, I was doing it
so I could relax. But in doing so, I was rushing to get to the
yoga class. You see, I was working in Boston at the time, living
just outside of Boston, and would go from Boston back out to my
house to meet my girlfriend to pick her up, and then come back
into Boston to take our yoga class. And that was just fine,
except there was always traffic, so inevitably we got there, not
the 15 minutes before like we wanted, but about two minutes
before the class. And so here I was, so stressed out about
missing the class because I needed to relax. And I found that in
other classes that I took, I did the same thing. I was always
rushing to get to the class. Then I would get there, and I’d be
so hopped up, so keyed up, that I would take the first half-hour
just to relax enough to be able to enjoy the class. And of
course if a class is only 45 minutes or an hour long, I didn’t
get that much time to relax. I found that deep breathing was
always good, but I always had a hard time with making sure I was
breathing correctly. One of the best things I did was bring in a
straw and breathe through a straw, because that forced me to
breathe diaphragmatically. And of course I looked sort of silly
sitting in class, the only person with one of those bendy
children’s straws. And one time I couldn’t find one, so I ended
up borrowing a friend’s; and I just grabbed the first straw I
could see. It was of course one of those crazy straws that has
all these bends and stuff in it, and I ended up having to
breathe really hard because of course it was hard to get the air
through there. So I always found it funny that I was rushing to
relax.
Don’t Fart
One of the things that I always found in yoga was there are all
these poses that you’re doing. And you’re sort of bent over, and
your ass is up the air. And I’m always afraid I’m going to fart.
Inevitably I’d always had a bean burrito or something like that,
and was feeling a little windy of bowel. And I was always afraid
that I was going to fart, right in the middle of one of our
poses. Like a downward-facing dog. Or child’s pose. A child’s
pose is great if you’ve got really bad gas bubbles, if you
didn’t know that, that’s a good tip for you. If you’ve got a
really bad gas bubble, get into child’s pose; you’ll find how
quickly you get rid of that gas bubble, because it - it sort of
puts your butt up in the air, and allows you to fart. Now, a lot
of the yoga classes I’ve been in I’m the only male in the class.
And the last thing I want to do is to fart, because of course,
I’m a guy and I think farting is funny, so I’ll get laughing.
And the women will think that I’m a big pig, and I’ve just
ruined everything. And heaven forbid it smells, because that
would be the worst! So, I am spending the whole time in class,
pinching my butt cheeks trying so hard not to fart. So I wonder.
Am I missing the point? Am I not getting yoga? Do all those
people who have been yogis for so long - do they fart during
their practice? These are things that I wonder about.
My Tree
One of the poses that is very popular is called the “tree” pose.
And I like the tree pose. The only problem is, my tree ends up
like - looking like something that’s been blown over by the
wind. I’m sort of a big guy, and I’m frankly not that
coordinated. So having to balance all of my weight on one foot
while having my other foot balanced on the other, and my hands
above my head, is sometimes very difficult. I’ve found sometimes
I can do the tree very well, and other times I can’t hold a tree
to save my life. I wonder how people get this balance. How
they’re able to breathe, focus on all they’re supposed to focus
on, and stay balanced. I know personally I’m always trying to
stay upright, and not fall over. It’s especially bad when you’re
in a class that’s really crowded, because you don’t usually have
that much space, and if you’re toppling over all the time, you
could be hitting someone else. And that’s really not what yoga’s
about, toppling into the person next to you.
My “Quiet” Mind
And one of the points of yoga, at least as I’ve been told by
many of my instructors, is to quiet our mind and allow ourselves
to relax. I always find that when I try and quiet my mind
there’s lots of thoughts going through my head. Am I doing the
pose right? Don’t fart. Did I pay that bill? Did I lock the car?
What meetings do I have tomorrow? Shhh. You’ve got to be quiet.
You have to quiet your mind. And it’s a funny sort of a
practice; to consciously think about quieting your mind, because
isn’t that missing the point? I’m consciously thinking about
quieting my mind, and trying to clear my mind of everything? And
sometimes I wonder if other people have the same cacophony of
information flying through their head. I mean, sometimes this is
the first time I’ve had any quiet all day. So it’s a chance for
me to think about all the things I haven’t had a chance to think
about. But I wonder. Am I missing the point? Is my mind as quiet
as I think it is? Or is it just as loud, but I’m just stopping,
taking time to listen.
Savasana Equals Sleep
Now the final pose - I have this fabulous yoga teacher that my
wife and I would take classes. And it was fabulous, because her
yoga studio was in the lower Haight. And somehow it just seemed
so appropriate that we would be going to the Haight to do yoga.
It just seemed to fit in. And the thing that we would always end
up with, was Savasana, which is just a relaxing, lying down
pose. And what I found is that with the wonderful, gentle music,
and her very soothing voice, and my lying there, having probably
been running around all day, Savasana equals sleep. Many was the
time I actually fell asleep on the yoga mat. Thus, I don’t - I
don’t know. Did I achieve the ultimate goal of yoga? Which was,
of course, to relax. Or, was it that I’m so stressed out, and
going so much, that my body took this opportunity to sleep? As
you can tell, I have many questions about yoga and how it fits
into my life.
Iamzander Equals Bed yoga
Now, as I said before, I’ve practiced Iyengar yoga the most. But
sometimes I feel perhaps I’m supposed to be the practitioner of
a new type of yoga, a whole new school of yoga. In fact, it is
truly a yoga that everybody, worldwide, can do. You don’t need
any special training. In fact, you have all the training you
need. And it is the kind of yoga that you could do for a third
of your life, and not even worry about it. This yoga is known as
Iamzander. Now, of course, my name is Zander, and I’m making a
play on words here. Iamzander is also known as Bed yoga.
Ultimately, the goal of yoga is to relax, and to free your mind
and your mind just to be. Well, what I find is that if I wake up
at 5 in the morning to get up to do my yoga, I get a lot better
yoga from lying in bed. I’m very relaxed. My mind is
unbelievably quiet. My breathing is deep and rhythmic. I can do
the bed pose so well. I can do a downward dog if I needed to,
but in your bed, you don’t need to do that. So I want all of you
to follow me, your new yogi guru, and practice Iamzander,
because if we’re sleeping one-third of our life away, you can’t
help but be successful. And you, too, can be your own yogi guru,
for Bed yoga.
What If My Third Eye Is Myopic?
This is one of the questions that first popped into my mind when
I was told to focus my energy and look through my third eye.
What if my third eye is myopic? I mean, my eyes aren’t that good
to begin with. I’ve had Lasik surgery, but they’ve settled back
and I have to wear glasses to watch TV and watch movies. What if
my third eye’s just as bad as my eyes were originally? That
means I can’t see anything. And frankly, when I try and look
through my third eye, I don’t really see much. It’s sort of out
of focus. I keep seeing these ads on TV for laser surgery, and I
wonder, “Can I get Lasiks on my third eye?” What if I can’t see
out of my third eye? What if my chakras are all blocked? What if
my chakras are wired in reverse, and instead of flowing up
through the top of my head, I’m flowing everything through the
bottom of my feet? What if I’m just not meant to do yoga,
because my mind is too active? Well, I asked my last yoga
teacher what I should do if my third eye was myopic, because
everything was sort of fuzzy. She thought this was incredibly
funny, that I would even stop to think about my third eye being
myopic. I guess the thought is that your third eye is - you
always have 20/20 vision. But I’m not finding that. I can’t
really see anything out of my third eye. And what do I do if I
get an eyelash in my third eye? How do I get that out?
As you can see, I have a lot of questions about my yoga
practice. I guess what I need to do is just keep practicing, and
hope that it gets better. Hope that my mind gets quiet. Hope
that I can hold my tree true and strong. That I don’t fart. That
I don’t fall asleep at the end of it. And that my third eye
really isn’t myopic. Thanks so much.